10) I am dead
9) Cat got my tongue
8) Left my heart in San Francisco
7) The NSA took over my computer
6) Incarcerated for smuggling drugs into Mexico
5) On a tour with Pussy Riot
4) Lost my pencil
3) Captured by Klingons
2) Took a vow of silence
and the 1) Reason I Haven't Posted in 6 Months
1) Joined a nunnery
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